In daily life the words “coping skills” have become commonplace to use in conversation. Have you ever stepped back to think about what “coping skills” actually mean to you? Or how you put them into practice? If these questions feel like confusing concepts, this is the article for you! 

When I think about coping skills, I think about a behavior, thought pattern, or approach to use to create space between a distressing emotional urge and the behavior that follows it. Often, if we act on emotions as soon as they pop up, we will act in emotionally-amplifying ways. For example, if I get startled in my own home and experience a surge of fear, then respond to that fear by giving into my urge of immediately running out the front door, down the block, and keep running until I exhaust myself, that fear-driven response teaches my brain “your fear is valid, real, and true! You SHOULD be afraid in your own home!”. When in reality, I might have just been startled by a book falling off a shelf. No true threat there!

Coping skills help time pass between an emotional surge so that our body and brain can calm down enough to then choose a behavioral response that is helpful and productive. Coping skills are temporary behaviors to calm down emotions until you can move on with more composure. I like to break coping skills down into 4 main categories:

• Movement skills (such as walking, stretching, body weight exercises, rollerblading, etc...)

• Relaxation skills (such as deep breathing, sensory soothing [sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing pleasant things], mindfulness meditation, massage, etc…)

• Thinking skills (such as journaling, listing gratitudes, writing down goals, listing your strengths, making lists of categories, doing crossword puzzles, counting, etc…)

• Distraction skills (such as playing quick games, doing arts or crafts, cooking, listening to music, watching YouTube videos, window shopping or browsing online, etc…)

Additionally, it could be helpful to think about your coping skills by the amount of time it will take to complete them. Thinking about coping skills in this way will ensure that regardless of the situation you’re in or the time you have available, you have tools in your toolbox to help move through strong emotions. Here is an example list of coping skills by time:

• 1 minute: Close your eyes and sit still/ Deep breathing/ Sip a drink/ Have a snack/ Listen to a song/ List people who care about you/ Send a text / Draw or doodle/ Stretch

• 5 minutes: Square breathing/ Sensory soothing/ Read a magazine or online article/ Make a hot chocolate, coffee, or tea/ Make your grocery list/ Do a wordsearch

• 10 minutes: Organize your desk/ Set up sensory friendly environment/ Daydream or journal your thoughts/ Spend time with pets or family members/ Use muscle relaxation/ Use guided imagery/ Color by number or paint by number

• 15 minutes: Complete a YouTube exercise video/ Play a video game or phone game/ Write or send a gratitude email, letter, or text/ Take a walk or take your pet for a walk/ Delete unread emails or text messages/ Clear your phone notifications/ Plan your outfits for the week/ Learn a short skill on YouTube (origami, card tricks...)

• 20 minutes +: Clean a room in your house/ Play a puzzle game that activates your interest/ Read Reddit threads/ Look at art online/ Sort through old videos and photographs/ Look up new words and use them/ Play music trivia on Alexa or YouTube/ Play the escape room on Alexa

Now you can use this information to challenge yourself to write down your own movement, relaxation, thinking, and distraction strategies and then consider taking it one step further to categorize them into time-specific lists!