Book Review: The 5 Apology Languages

Book Review

The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships by Jennifer Thomas and Gary Chapman

You may have heard of the 5 Love Languages (see a previous blog post!), but perhaps have you
haven’t heard about the 5 Apology Languages.

The authors detail five different ways that people express and best accept apology from others:
1. Expressing Regret: This language is the emotional aspect of an apology and is a way to
show that you understand that the other person was hurt and why. It is important to be
watchful of your body language as you express regret and it needs to stand alone- no “I’m
sorry, BUT…” Also, be aware of any tendency to manipulate the other person while
expressing regret.
2. Accepting Responsibility: This language is a way of acknowledging that your behavior
was wrong.
3. Making Restitution: This language is a way to ‘make things right’ and to equalize the
balance of injustice in the relationship. It usually involves replaying or restoring
whatever was lost.
4. Planned Change: This language details the specific changes that you are going to do to
make sure that the transgression does not occur again. It is helpful to put this into
writing.
5. Requesting Forgiveness: This language demonstrates that you want to see the
relationship restored and helps you take accountability. It is important to not demand
forgiveness and to keep in mind that this is a costly request of the other person.

The book gives lots of great questions and information to help you discover (1) which is your
apology language but also (2) ways to use each language. It reminds us that “apologizing
enhances one’s self-esteem,” and also that one can apologize too much! It is hard to learn a new
language (even a love or apology language) and no one is perfect in this process.

Take the quiz! https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-language