Coping With Unexpected Changes

Whether it be coping with loss, career changes, family conflict, health concerns, or global events, many of us are facing the reality of changes in our lives as the new year approaches. When things change unexpectedly outside of control, it can leave us with feelings of hopelessness or anger, and our thinking may spiral into endless “what-ifs” about the future. While painful, unpredictable changes are a reality of life. Let’s explore ways to mitigate the impact it can have on emotional health:

• Take time to feel how you feel

Emotions are neither good nor bad: they are natural reactions to our environment and how you process information. Take some time to grieve what you expected to happen, and feel the disappointment, sadness, anger, or frustration. While this stage shouldn’t last forever, it’s important to process and feel emotions so they become more manageable.

• Notice what remains in your control

Too often an unexpected change seems to loom so large that it eclipses what has remained the same. It may be helpful to engage in a Circle of Control exercise: notice what remains in your control, what you have some control or influence in, and what is out of your control. For example, do you have control over your self care routine, how you use social media, what books you read, or how you react to situations? Do you have influence over how often you spend time with friends, engage with your community, or your day-to-day schedule? There may be more opportunities for you to create impact in your life than it seems.

• Identify areas of support

During uncertain times, it can be helpful to take note of what is available to you. Finding ways to get involved in social support can increase your areas of influence. Dedicate some time to take inventory of what those resources may be, whether it is a family member or friend, a neighborhood group, community or faith-based organization. Getting involved and changing up your routine in some way may increase feelings of agency or empowerment.

Sometimes life takes unexpected turns without meaning, and sometimes it can provide an opportunity to start anew. Taking time to feel emotions, focus on areas of control, and lean into support systems can be a great way to gain perspective on difficult situations.