BRIEF Conversations

Michelle Icard, author or Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have with Your Kids Before They Start High School, gives families ideas of what kinds of important conversations to have with your preteen/teenager, but also how to have those conversations.

She introduces a BRIEF model for conversations:

B = begin peacefully
This may begin with an unemotional observation or requesting a scheduled time to talk about a topic. The author says, “So, start peacefully and then be quiet and wait for your child to fill the space.”

R = relate to your kid
Breathe and consider the end game- where do you want to see this conversation heading? Don’t make them feel anxious or ashamed- no one learns when they feel that way.

I = interview to collect data
Talk/interview to get information about your child’s perspective on a topic. This is not a time to lecture or teach, but rather a time to ask questions and listen.

E = echo what you’re hearing
This step is giving validation- this both makes sure that you are understanding what they think/know/feel, but also warming them up to getting your feedback/information. Say things like, “It sounds like” or “I’m hearing.”

F = feedback
The author says, “The feedback step is where you get to finally offer suggestions, guidance, or make new rules if you need a firmer resolution.” This is not the time to add to the problem, but rather to give ideas on where to go from here.

So what conversations does the book walk families through?
- Parent-Child Relationship
- Independence
- Changing
- Friendships
- Creativity
- Taking Care of Yourself
- Fairness
- Technology
- Criticism

- Hard Work
- Money
- Sexuality
- Reputations
- Impulsivity
- Helping Others

Check out the book!